Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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