I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
