how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
