Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
