I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
