Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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