my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
