we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
