I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
