can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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