Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
