I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
someone owes me an orgasm
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
