Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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