You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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