I didn't shave. On purpose
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I didn't notice because vodka
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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