atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
