and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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