I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
