so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Couch. On fire.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
