white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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