We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
