she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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