I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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