Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
