There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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