I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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