she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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