i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
