it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
