I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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