That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
