my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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