so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Sacagawea was the original milf.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize