Will you blow on my dice?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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