I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
