here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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