im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
too bad you live with your parents still
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
