My first STD was from a foam party
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
