So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
