I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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