Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
