I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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