I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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