No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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