so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
