There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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