everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
