We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
