I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
