I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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