How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
