her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
