well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
